SCARS WITH PURPOSE

"Never be ashamed of the scars that life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, you endured the pain, and God has healed you."  (unknown).

"Mirror, mirror on the wall, erase my scars, erase them all." When I look into the mirror I have to admit I am not really happy about all the scars I have. I had to have two mastectomies, 35 rounds of radiation, and 4 reconstructive surgeries to eradicate the aggressive breast cancer that had invaded my body without warning or permission. And those life-saving remedies have left me looking like I ran naked into a barbed wire fence (felt like it for a while, too).  Please don't get me wrong, I am so thankful to be alive, and so thankful to Dr. Runnels for the amazing reconstruction he did. But even with the best surgeon's work, scars remain and there are times when the woman in me gets her feelings hurt. 

"SCARS ARE STORIES - HISTORY WRITTEN ON THE BODY." (Kathryn Harrison) 

And then there are the emotional scars that are hidden from the mirror's reflection, and that you cannot see if you look at me.  I have them hidden way down in my heart.  But sometimes, my mind will rub over them.  And though the wounds have healed, the scar is still there to remind me of something someone said that hurt me, or something I did that disappointed God or my family.  Or maybe there is a small scar from an incident that happened totally out of my control.  And there is no Mederma or Bioderm to fade those scars!

It is true that time heals all wounds - emotionally and physically - and with passing time, it gets easier to look in the mirror, or visit those places deep in my heart, but there is always a scar that remains from each wound.

"From every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story.  A story that says, 'I survived'."  (Craig Scott)

One thing that has changed my perspective on scars is Mandisa’s powerful new song, "Scars.”  My goodness, I think she wrote it just for me!  She sings about how our scars remind us of God's power that helped us overcome and how our brokenness can be used for His purpose.

"…I see it on the cross, The nails You took for me; Scars can change the world, Scars can set me free..."

These few lines bring Jesus Christ right into the mental picture!  HIS scars are the ones that set me free.  HIS scars are the reason I am healed of cancer and am alive!!  His sacrifice on the cross even healed my emotional wounds!  How can I ever fret over my own scars when I think of His? Nails driven into His hands and feet, a spear pierced into His side, and scars from being whipped to the point of death. 

Not that I could ever put myself on the same level with Jesus, but I feel closer to Him in a totally different way - like "fellow sufferers."  Yes, His scars have healed me, and yes, my scars are a reminder of his healing.  But more than anything, my scars serve as a reminder of His faithfulness! His great faithfulness and new mercies every morning! Even all the scars of the heart - of past failures and hurt - fade away when seen in the light of His love.  He put His scars to work for me.  Now it is my desire to put my scars to work for Him! 

Romans 8:15-17 (The Message) "This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It’s adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike “What’s next, Papa?” God’s Spirit touches our spirits and confirms who we really are. We know who he is, and we know who we are: Father and children. And we know we are going to get what’s coming to us—an unbelievable inheritance! We go through exactly what Christ goes through. If we go through the hard times with him, then we’re certainly going to go through the good times with him!"

SCARS (Mandisa)  (C) 2013 Sparrow Records

These scars aren’t pretty
But they’re a part of me
And will not ever fade away
These marks tell a story
Of me down in the valley
And how You reached in with Your grace
And healed me

They remind me of Your faithfulness
And all You brought me through
They teach me that my brokenness
Is something You can use
They show me where I’ve been and
That I’m not there any more
That’s what scars, that’s what scars are for
what scars are for

Erase, rewind
Wish I could every time
The hurt, the pain cuts so deep
But when I’m weak You’re strong
And in Your power I can carry on
And my scars say that You won’t ever leave

They remind me of Your faithfulness
And all You brought me through
They teach me that my brokenness
Is something You can use
They show me where I’ve been and
That I’m not there any more
That’s what scars, that’s what scars are for

I see it on the cross
The nails You took for me
Scars can change the world
Scars can set me free

They remind me of Your faithfulness
And all You brought me through
They teach me that my brokenness
Is something You can use
They show me where I’ve been and
That I’m not there any more
That’s what scars, that’s what scars are for
They show me that’s what scars are for
What scars are for.

Rain in the Valley?

Once again I find myself in the valley. Trouble unexpectedly pulled me from my safe little perch on the mountainside and is dragging me through another situation totally out of my control.  Feeling like I can't take another step through this seemingly endless sprawl of confusion and strife, storm clouds gather and it starts to rain!  "Enough already," I think to myself. 

I look through the fog ahead in the distance and outlined against the sky is my mountain.  There's where I was not so long ago - I was dancing and skipping along and singing praises and feeling like such a conqueror!  What happened?  Where is God now?  As I stand with tears falling as fast as the rain, all I can think of is, "how can I get back to that mountaintop?"  My pity party is short-lived, though.  You know what they say about pity parties - you are the only one that attends and nobody brings refreshments!  God has something to show me in the valley - encouragement for my soul that I would not get otherwise. 

I have always quoted Psalm 121 and declared that the mountains are where I get my strength (that is where God is, right?).  But after reading The Message Bible version, I have a whole new perspective.     

"I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains? No, my strength comes from God, who made heaven, and earth, and mountains." Psalm 121 (The Message)

Here are a few of the life lessons I have learned in the valley:
1.  God is always with us; He said that He would never leave or forsake us.  Never.  Even though the circumstances seem to be separating us from Him, He is only a whisper away.  Even in the valley of the shadow of death, He is right there.  When there have been times I have only had the strength to say, "Jesus," in an instant I could feel His presence with me.  How awesome is that?

2.  He wants to teach us that He is our source of strength.  If we are on the mountaintop and all is going well, we can feel really independent at times.  But when we are having troubles that we cannot control, that is when we rely on His strength and know it had to come from Him. 
 
3.  He shows us that the rain in the valley is making a stream where we can be refreshed. If you ask me where I like to travel I will, without hesitation, tell you somewhere in the mountains.  I love the Rockies, I love the Smokies - well, any mountains.  I would love someday to go see the majesty of the Alps. In the mountains where overwhelming beauty is all around, I am so in awe of God's creations.  But the streams in the valleys are what refresh me the most.  I love to stand in the water swirling around my feet and feel the invigorating coolness. 

4.  The mountain is always in view.  No matter where you go in the valley, you can still see the mountain.  We lived in Albuquerque for almost a year and we enjoyed living at the foot of the Sandias.  Anywhere we went in the valley, we could still see the mountains.  We knew that we could ride the tram, or take a drive, and within minutes we could be at the top, taking in a view that included miles and miles of beautiful valleys and scenery.  God will not keep us in the valley forever - the mountain is always in view to prove it, and that reminds us that our trials are only temporary. 

I can't finish this post without adding my favorite quote from Wintley Phipps.  When I was going through chemotherapy and felt like I was already at the bottom and then the bottom fell out, I clicked on his You-Tube video of "It is Well With My Soul," and this is what he said before he did his magnificent rendition of one my favorite hymns, "It is in the quiet crucible of your personal private sufferings that your noblest dreams are born and God's greatest gifts are given - in compensation for what you have been through."

When I was writing this post about being in the valley and having troubles, I almost hit the delete button to erase every word.  When I considered the devastation I had heard about this week, I felt like my issues were no more than a toothache in comparison.  But we each have troubles, trials, and illnesses that take us into that valley experience.  Not only our physical life is interrupted, but our spirit man is tested.  My own life has been interrupted by Fibromyalgia, Cancer, and now a broken leg, so I want to share my experiences so you know that you can too find God in the valley in a very real and personal way. 

Let us not get in such a hurry to get back to that mountaintop that we miss what He wants to teach us as we sit by that stream in the valley.  The stream that was caused by the rain we thought was just more trouble. And if it rains again, I might just dance in the rain!   

 

Mulch for the Soul

Many times I find myself sitting on my back porch (which is actually a covered gazebo on my patio beside my swimming pool) pondering the lessons of life that God wants to teach me from the garden.  Such was this day - my husband Michael was planting flowers and shrubs with meticulous care (he is now a Master Gardener, so he knows how to tell me WHAT and WHY he is doing what he is doing.)  I noticed he was taking the dead leaves and mulch from last years rakings and putting around the new flowers and plants.  Why? I asked... of course.  And he so patiently explained... there are lots of nutrients to be gained from the mulch from last fall that would boost the plant's growth this spring.  Amazing... I thought...  Take something dead and put on something alive?  Hmmmm.  A few days later, I was reading in a little book my sister gave me during my breast cancer treatments, HANG IN THERE, by Ellyn Sanna. "Sometimes we have to let go of parts of ourselves before we can grow.  It's as though life asks us to die a little bit - and dying is never fun.  But think how tall and strong a garden grows when it's mulched with last year's plants; a garden yields a rich harvest then the soul is nourished with things that have died. I believe God is doing the same in your life.  It may seem as if too much in your life is dying - but if you just hang on, you'll find yourself growing because of these experiences.  These tough times are the "mulch" that will one day nourish your soul."  WOW.  Talk about a "God echo."  When I read that I was overwhelmed because of the application Michael had just mentioned to me a few days prior.  There I sat with a bald head, my body so weakened from chemotherapy, and totally emotionally wiped out from the events of the past few months.  But, in a little spot on my patio, in a little obscure town in Mississippi, God wanted to speak to me and let me know that all the dead stuff He was removing from my life would become the nourishment for my soul for years to come.  I vowed then and there that my cancer journey would not be in vain.  That I would take all the empty, seemingly pointless days, the days of pain and suffering, and put them in a stash to be used later to remind myself of the strength and peace that my Father had given me during the struggles.  And I would offer my testimony to those who were going through a rough spot in their life to assure them that the trust I placed in my God was the sustaining force through all of my rough days.  Fast forward to 2 years later.  I am standing stronger, an overcomer and survivor, and basking in the beauty of His holiness.   
I Peter 5:10-11.  "And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.  To Him be the power forever and ever.  Amen."